Not Quite Dead Yet
If it's irreverent or sacrilegious or superstitiously dangerous, I apologize in advance, but perhaps I've had enough of death recently to have earned the right to taunt it, certainly enough to want to taunt it, to find every opportunity I can to give mortality a great big raspberry, determined to find the most and the deepest and the widest possible life, for the little time I have left here. After all, no matter how long our lives, in the great scheme of things it's the blink of an eye. None of us is here for long. Now, the two or three of you who wander over here from time to time and see my Twitter updates in the right gutter, know I'm still standing, but I thought I'd bring you up to speed on one of the things we've got cooking, besides the spaghetti and meat sauce in the kitchen.
This phase of life is winding down. The youngest of my three sons is, by every definition, an adult. While they still need me on occasion and I love them more, not less, than I did the moments they came into the world; they needn't be the center of my universe any longer, or at least I need to work a little harder bringing some new focus into view so it's not so obvious. But, what? I've thoroughly enjoyed my time at the KnockingShitDownCo but can't help but look at remaining there indefinitely as something somehow self-indulgent. It's not that I would ever think of quitting without replacing the income or benefits, or would ever leave them in the lurch. That's not me, but it's time to develop a hobby that could be a job, and not just a labor of love, but one that has at least some small chance of buying a beach house one day. I'm not holding my breath, and this new venture probably isn't that, but I'm 100% sure that the KSDCo, no matter how cozy it's been, no matter how at home and loyal I've felt there, isn't ever going to do that, at least not for me.
A friend said to me recently (a blogger who will remain unlinked unless she tells me something different, because she doesn't discuss personal matters on her blog), suggested that when her only child, a daughter, goes off to college this coming fall, she will have to reinvent herself. I know that feeling. A major life purpose is completed. The jury is still out on success or failure, which can't be easily or quickly measured, but my boys are reared, and I can only hope I gave them what they'll need to be whole, fulfilled, loving adults. So far, it looks mostly good, but what to do with myself?
One of my favorite sayings (considering that I just now made it up) is when the going gets rough, register a domain and build a blog and a message board, so I registered NotQuiteDeadYet.net and notquitedeadyet.net/forum was born. Okay, so I can't build a message board to save my soul, but she who calls herself Hurricane Mom sure as heck can. Anyway, now that I've already gone long, I'll repeat what I said over there (even worse, I'll treat it like a quote when what it really is, is me, repeating myself):
Midlife and Beyond. We are made to live in the moment, and somehow few of us see this moment coming. We spend our lives looking at those much older than us as somehow obsolete, irrelevant, finished. Then we arrive here ourselves, our children raised and off to college, or even graduated, and we don’t feel obsolete, irrelevant, finished. In fact, we feel much younger than we really are, hopeful, excited, curious even.
If you wander over, please excuse our dust. This is the creation of three internet friends, planned almost entirely via Facebook mail. We're not web developers, so the navigation is awkward and the functionality has a long way to go, but we're persistent, and we'll get there. What we are is experts on empty nests and relearning how to cook for one or two, in navigating financial aid and feeding ourselves on what's left, on handling graduation weekends and middle of the night calls. Register and speak up if you're so inclined. I don't know what's going to happen next or how long next might be. None of us ever does. I just know I'm not ready to stop dreaming, not ready to quit trying something new, Not Quite Dead Yet.
Welcome back, Soph. I'm also at the doorstep of Not Quie Dead Yet...I'll
have to wander by and see what's cooking. I can relate to your post on
several points, especially with regard to having put so much into raising
my children and having to reinvent myself, and with the notion of the inner
child still being so strong in me. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to
seeing where this leads.
I'm really hoping we can at least get a little more work done on NQDY
before we leave Ga. You take care, and thanks for the kind words. We'll
get there... it just may take us a little longer than normal. LOL
I would like to send you some info. about feeding your blog into the
HumidBeings.com Community and what we are offering local bloggers as a
means to republish their content and reach a larger audience. Please send
your email address to:
michael@humidbeings.com
Y'all, I spoke too soon! Fool, thanks for the kind words and for stopping
by. I'll wander over to your place tonight and see what amazing & beautiful
pics of Alaska's mountainous coast have bloomed there.
Have survived to another birthday, seventy three and counting, seem to
spend an inordinate amount of time with the passing of friends and old
comrades, so know what you mean about having enough of death.
Unfortunately, its not something you can avoid without cutting yourself off
entirely from the world.
JWL